Although the holiday season brings joy to many, it can add stress for families of people with memory loss.
Shannon King, executive director of Arden Courts in West Orange, which provides specialized care for people with Alzheimer’s and related dementias, recommends that relatives research the disease before planning holiday visits. This is especially important for family members traveling to see a loved one whose changes they have not yet witnessed.
“If they are visiting for the first time after a diagnosis, family members may find that their loved one is not the person they knew previously. They may encounter a different personality because of the disease,” she says. “Also, we’re seeing more younger residents who have the disease, so people need to realize it’s not an ‘older person’s disease.’”
If you live locally and are accustomed to the changes, talk with out-of-town relatives beforehand and explain what may differ from previous visits. Be specific: “He’s not talking a lot,” “She may ask the same questions repeatedly,” or “He may not know who you are.”
Discuss behaviors they might see, such as needing help in the bathroom or difficulty eating. Encourage visitors to introduce themselves instead of expecting the person with memory loss to remember names.
King suggests treating the visit as a regular day, not a holiday. Timing is key to reducing stress. “You want to make sure they can continue their routine and that the visit will not disrupt mealtimes,” she says. “Their brain is not telling their stomach to eat, so when food arrives, it’s best for them to eat at that time.”
Be mindful of the time of day. Some individuals experience sundowning — increased confusion and restlessness as evening approaches. Choose a time when your family member is more alert and calm; for many, King says, that’s before 2 p.m.
Keep visits brief—no more than 30 minutes. It may be difficult for someone with memory loss to stay at another person’s home for long or to host visitors for hours. Because changes in language and comprehension can make group gatherings challenging, keep the visiting group small and subdued.
While too much activity can be overstimulating, you can adapt traditions to include your loved one. For example, if your mother can’t bake her famous cookies, she can sit at the table and help measure and stir.
If you wish to keep gift-giving, blankets, pillows, photos or stuffed animals are good options, King says. Still, the best gift for someone with memory loss is your presence.
For more information on Arden Courts, visit arden-courts.com.
“If they are visiting for the first time after a diagnosis, family members may find that their loved one is not the person who they knew previously." - Shannon King