Men, like all individuals, navigate a complex journey of self-discovery, face unique challenges and triumphs, and gain diverse perspectives along the way. What if they could journey back to pivotal moments in their lives and offer guidance to their younger selves? Would they find kinship through shared circumstances?
We asked Crystal Lake City Lifestyle photographer, David Bradburn, 53, to lead the conversation and share his viewpoint from his own self-reflection.
He writes: "I have found myself thinking less about what I would do differently if I could do life over again and instead, focusing on accepting that I did the best I could in the moments I’ve had. That doesn’t necessarily imply success, but that I’ve made an effort to learn from any shortcomings and strive to improve, moving forward. Maybe, too, I’ve simply forgotten certain things, healed from others, or gained a new perspective that has caused me to find grace for my younger self."
"That said, what if I could go back and give some advice to the version of myself before the hardness of life and the consequences of choices brought about today’s wisdom? Borrowing a quote from Edie Brickell, 'Everything is temporary anyway.' Once we can embrace this, we have the opportunity to find more freedom in moments while making allowances for the permanence of change."
"To steal words from Bob Marley, 'Every little thing [is] gonna be alright'. It’s his use of the word ‘little’ that has gotten me through more than I care to remember or retell. Sure, big things won’t go our way. Not all our hopes and dreams come true. Things die, things end. But the small things don’t need to feel so heavy, and when we start to add those together the big ones become bearable, if not ‘alright’ themselves too."
David’s thought-provoking insight lays the foundation for others to follow. In seeking further awareness, we delve into the wisdom and guidance men of various ages would impart to their younger selves, and, in turn, to all who seek to understand the profound journey of manhood.
The 30s - Learning from the Past, Striving for the Future
While finding their stride in life, 30-something men also may be embracing new responsibilities and the revelation that turning to mentors who have paved the way ahead can provide guidance for navigating ones own future. David M., 39, would remind himself to “Listen to my elders and trust the advice of people that have experienced life, not the advice of my peers.” .
Johnny Z., 32, would urge a younger self to take care of his body, because you only get one. Try harder in school, effort counts. And start investing as soon as you have a job”
Chris Z., 30, reflects, “Be confident in yourself. The way [that happens] is by understanding none of it actually matters that much. The world isn’t going to end just because you make a fool of yourself. People don’t care what you’re doing, or what mistakes you’re making. They’re too busy focusing on their own lives.” Truth.
The 40s - Finding Purpose, Embracing Change
The sentiments about their future, financial or otherwise, is echoed by many 40-year-old men. Sean B. 40, would take finances more seriously in his early 20’s. “As a young man, you always think that you’ll make it up down the line. Maybe this is true for some, but it’s not a guarantee. Investing early and often when you begin your career is paramount.”
Ty B., 45, suggests, “Embrace every trial, every tribulation, they have led to who you are today.” Welcome the journey, it leads you to where you need to be.
This is also a time of some reflection and redefining priorities. Matt K., 48, I would tell his younger self to “savor the moments of joy versus always being on a schedule. Don’t be too hard on yourself when things might not work out. And always stay true to yourself.”
Dr. Ron R., 44, expands on this. “Stop comparing yourself to others, put people first, always do the right thing no matter how hard it may be at times.” Life is a winding road, “Enjoy the process and the people on the journey with you.”
The 50s - Balancing Work, Health, and Sense of Fulfillment
Midlife brings a crossroads between celebrating achievements and the richness of life’s experiences, and redefining priorities for the future. Frank H., 55, sums it up by reminding us to “Do it when you have a chance.” Embracing opportunities now may avoid some regrets later. Rick R., 54, agrees and adds “Do what feels right to you, within reason.” He follows up that sentiment by explaining that we shouldn’t be afraid to follow our own desires, needs and passions.
This time of life also brings contemplation about health and well-being. Chris K, 58, speaks for many others in this age group when he says, “Prioritize exercise.” Play more basketball, if that is your thing, or whatever moves you toward a healthier lifestyle.
David Bradburn adds, “I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out a deeper purpose to our existence that I’ve missed at least part of it spending time trying to find it. We need to just live and our essence will take care of our purpose.”
In reflecting on past choices, Dave C., 58, spurs others to consider a variety of solutions. Nothing in life is permanent, so there is always opportunity to pivot. Take time to contemplate rather than a knee-jerk reaction to a problem that may have lasting consequences.
The 60s & Beyond - Inspiring, Resilient, and Reflective
As the saying goes, ‘With age comes wisdom.’ Just look to our elders and we will find this to be true. The overarching theme is to be true to oneself while making time to give back to others.
Eric S., 68, shares his motto and words to live by: “Practice moderation and apply it, live within your means (and INVEST), take good care of your body - you only have one, responsibility and accountability to others is a blessing, and it is ok to ask for help.”
Erv G., 76, advocates looking back without regret because the choices we made led us to where we are today. Now, he concentrates on doing good for others. “Helping wherever I can brings me fulfillment.”
Speaking of supporting others, Haig H., 71, motivates individuals to get involved and give back to the community at a very early age. “The benefits one derives far outweigh the efforts one expends.” He believes in always having a mentor to guide you along your journey because there is no single path to success and success itself looks different to everyone. Hard work, determination and asking for help will get you far in life.
As a father, grandfather, and servant leader, he is familiar, seasoned and accustomed to inspiring others and imparting his sage words of mentorship. We leave you with these:
Be honest above all else, it will help avoid complications. College is not a necessity find what fulfills you and it won’t feel so much like ‘work.’ Wisdom and respect are earned, not learned. Listen more."
And as an avid music lover he references song lyrics as metaphors for life. “Teach your children well.” “In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”