For months, I prayed for a sign. When life is in a state of chaos, it is natural to crave order, to desperately search for meaning in the turmoil. I found myself looking for answers everywhere-hoping that some divine signal would appear to tell me what I should do. In actuality, all I wanted was to know that I was making the right decision for myself and my children," says Teresa, 49.
"The sign I had been praying for came in the most unexpected way-from my 8-year-old son." She continues, "One afternoon, as we were talking, he casually mentioned something that stopped me in my tracks. He said, You seem happy now, Mommy. It must be because no one is yelling anymore. My son recognized the peace in our home and the shift in energy that had taken place. And it wasn't just about my happiness-it was about his, too. I wanted to model a healthier, more loving relationship-one that they could grow up to value and emulate. A relationship where peace was the foundation, not constant competition and tension."
These women made the to decision to change their lives, but found stability and love again through self awareness, learning how to navigate budget and finances, and adjusting to life on the other side.
Teresa continues, "The only thing I wanted and prayed for was happiness and peace. It wasn't about grand plans, finding a new partner, or any specific goal. I wanted to create a life in which we could all heal, where the constant tension of uncertainty would give way to a more loving and stable existence."
Teresa's priority became establishing a stable home for my children. After moving to a new city, it was pertinent for her to affirm to her children that they were still loved, cherished and important regardless of where they lived or what their family unit looked like. The next priority was establishing a budget, really reviewing spending, and saving for the children's college education.
"The first step was for me to get control of my finances. For me, that meant getting organized and understanding exactly where my money was going. I immediately subscribed to a budgeting software, Mint, which is now Intuit." She continues, "It helped me understand what I was spending and where I needed to save. I used this for years until I really felt like I had a full picture of what I was spending and what was important."
Understanding finances wasn't necessarily new to her, but it became important to learn how to budget as a single parent, especially how to build savings and invest. "I needed to understand how my finances would be affected as a single income household."
Coping with the emotional challenges, Teresa learned so much about herself. "I was very careful with whom I shared my feelings. I did not want to disparage anyone." She continues, "It's unfair to project your own feelings onto a child that isn't emotionally mature enough to understand it."
She was also able to lean on friends for support and encouragement. "My friends were able to be my support system." She states, "I've been able to guide others through similar struggles, sharing my experience to help them navigate their own challenges." Comforting and supporting friends and other women has allowed her to turn a very painful experience into something meaningful by being there for others.
She also sought professional counseling learning more about her emotions, fears, and thoughts. "Therapy was my lifeline. It was a safe space to reflect, understand the past, share my deepest worries and reframe my thoughts. I can honestly say that the skills I learned in those sessions became my foundation for moving forward, both as an individual and as a partner."
This personal growth and healing defined a new life that was built on courage, reflection, and compassion for herself and her situation. "Life is wonderful now. Looking back, I can see how far I've come on my journey. I have learned so much more about myself-both the strengths and the areas that needed work."
She continues, "This self-awareness has really transformed the way I approach relationships. Today, I am in a partnership where I feel safe and supported, able to openly share my thoughts and feelings without fear."
It is a great reminder that even the hardest experiences can lead to tremendous personal growth. With the right support - therapy, self-reflection, and leaning on a strong support system- she was able to build a healthier and more fulfilling future.
"I now know how to protect my peace. Had I known earlier what I know now, I wouldn't have felt the constant need to defend myself. I would have let silence be my ally, giving myself the space I needed to heal without constantly engaging in battles that drained my emotional energy." She continues, "This is a skill I still practice to this day, not only with my ex, but with anyone who creates that sense of confusion and defensiveness for me."
When it came to Pam's (32) decision to create a life independently, "I concentrated on my values and emotional well-being." She continues, "I hadneglected my own needs and became too focused on trying to align with someone whose priorities did not match my own."
The loss of Pam's mother and brother served as a powerful reminder of how fragile life is, and affirmed her decision to live authentically. "I've always considered myself resilient and self-motivated, but this experience allowed me to reconnect with who I truly am." She continues, "I rebuilt my life independently and created a future for my true self. It has empowered me to step into the person I want to be."
"I envisioned a life rooted in family, faith, stability, and peace in which my children and I could thrive," Pam reflects.
Being a small business owner she shifted her focus from growing the business to rooting her career in a strong foundation. "My focus became to grow as a leader, not just for the sake of my team, but also as a mother." She adds, "Creating a balanced home life while pursuing my career became crucial in rebuilding my life."
When it came to budgeting, she felt the change and adjusted. "I was not used to making large financial decisions, so it was overwhelming, but also empowering. I became more curious about investing, saving, and sticking to a budget." This budget was essential in planning for the future and necessary step in securely moving forward.
Pam confesses, "The emotional challenges were tough, especially with the grief of losing my mom and brother. I had suppressed so much of my grief and had to face some painful truths." Therapy played a key role in helping me process the emotional toll.
One of the biggest lessons she learned was how to show up for herself in life. "I had to be honest with myself and practice what I preach every single day. My faith has been a constant source of strength, helping me focus on healing, forgiveness, and letting go of resentment." She continues, "I've learned that healing isn't linear, but by practicing gratitude and staying present, I can move forward. Taking care of my body and mind through fitness and daily self care practices have helped me regain my confidence and feel more capable. This journey has been about rediscovery and practicing self-accountability with faith and growth guiding me.
Article by Amy Bailey
Originally published in Huntsville City Lifestyle