When Julie Fedeli and Pamela DeRose sit down together, the air vibrates—equal parts candor, science, mischief and mission. Their new book, “Midlife Upgrade: A Girlfriend’s Guide to Finding Your Power in the Pause,” isn’t another clinical tome. It’s a rallying cry wrapped in girlfriend wisdom, born from two women who’ve spent decades lifting others through midlife.
Their origin story feels almost cinematic. In 2022, Julie hosted “S**, Love & Menopause” an eventPam attended as a guest and left as a co-conspirator. As everyone lingered, Julie made an offhand comment that made them laugh and revealed a shared urgency. “We need to have lunch,” Julie insisted.
At that meeting, Pam shared how she hoped to build a course for women navigating midlife because even with her expertise, she struggled. “If I’m overwhelmed,” she wondered, “what’s the average woman going through?” Julie felt the same pull. They decided to dream bigger together.
A chance referral led them to a workshop led by author and coach Sara Connell. Skeptical at first, Connell’s message hit them like a tuning fork. “I grabbed Julie’s hand and said, ‘I’ll buy anything this woman sells,’” Pam says. The seed of “Midlife Upgrade” was planted. A three-month writing sprint became a two-year odyssey, during which they found themselves living the very “upgrades” they were documenting.
The result is an unusually comprehensive—and unusually human—guide to midlife. They address hormones, the endocrine system and decades of medical misinformation. But they also wander into territories too often whispered about: sexual health, community, identity, purpose, food, joy. “We wanted it to feel like talking with a girlfriend,” Julie says. “Not a textbook.”
Both women know the terrain—Pam as a longtime coach and wellness entrepreneur; Julie as a healing practitioner and advocate whose autoimmune unraveling reshaped her life. Their message is simple: midlife isn’t a decline. It’s an opening.
If there’s one immediate shift they hope women make? Hope, Julie says—“the belief that life can actually get better.” And Pam’s addition: “Say no to what drains you. Say yes to what nourishes you.”
A midlife upgrade starts there.
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More at midlifeupgrade.com.