As the seasons change and excitement for the holidays begin to surround us, it’s important to remember that not everyone may be looking forward to the celebration. For some, it may be a recent loss. For others, it can be the specter of another conversation with family members who don’t understand us and our decisions. These stressors can happen to anyone at any time, but they always seem to loom larger around the holidays.
Andrew and Jennifer Hewitt of Caliper Wellness see the signs of holiday stress in their patients every year. “They feel obligated. They know at some point they’re going to have to have uncomfortable conversations they don’t want to have,” shared Andrew. “Thanksgiving is the worst if you have extended family, because it’s ‘we’re going here for breakfast, go here for lunch and go here for dinner’. How did you enjoy anything on a day we’re supposed to be grateful? You spent it stressed.”
Before it gets the better of you, prepare yourself with simple ways to manage this holiday stress. By taking a few moments to focus on yourself and your needs before you run the holiday gauntlet, you’ll be better prepared to handle what comes.
Physical activity is a great way to tackle your stress before it becomes a problem. It sounds simple, but a 30-minute walk can transform your day. Setting aside time for a yoga class or sitting and stretching with mindful meditation can also break negative thought patterns and put you on a batter path. Heading to a gym and breaking a sweat can do wonders. Running or lifting heavy weights can work out frustration and make you feel accomplished.
Self-care is also a great way to manage stress. Whether it’s a massage, listening to music, taking time for a hot bath or picking up your favorite coffee or treat, take the time to do something you enjoy. You shouldn’t feel guilty for spending time on yourself. “It’s ‘a chocolate chip cookie would make me feel good right now, for all the good things that I do for my family,’” shared Andrew.
Once you’re in the middle of the holiday whirlwind, and stress gets the better of you, there are easy ways to take back control. “Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. Don’t be afraid to set a boundary,” said Andrew. “A boundary is something as simple as, ‘I need a glass of water. I’ll be right back.’ and remove yourself.” Don’t be afraid to say no without any guilt attached to it. “No, is a complete sentence. It’s no, period. Or no, exclamation point. Don’t be afraid to say no, to avoid uncomfortable situations that you don’t want to be put in.”
We should also be on the lookout for our friends and family who may be struggling this time of year. “Try to be more mindful.” Shared Jennifer Hewitt. “Look for someone just who’s avoiding. Someone who keeps going outside to sit by themselves for a few minutes,” added Andrew. These are opportunities where we can join them and help distract them from the situation and put distance between them and the issue causing the stress.
There may be times where we inadvertently trigger a stressful situation for someone. “You can’t really avoid it. Just don’t continue on that path,” said Andrew. “If I know that talking about football with my father-in-law is going to get him upset because we don’t like the same team, I avoid it. And if I do say something and it gets him upset, say ‘I didn’t realize that was going to be something that upset you. I’m sorry. Let’s just go in a different direction.’”
You never know what someone is going through and situations they’re dealing with. While you may not understand why someone is upset, you should always be understanding instead of confrontational. “Don’t ever discount if someone’s upset about something. Don’t be like, ‘oh, there’s nothing to be upset about’. Realize that they might have a very good reason for being upset that you don’t know about. Don’t trivialize,” added Andrew.
If holiday stress is becoming harder to manage, talking to a therapist can make a big difference in helping you put things in perspective and take the action that’s best for you. The team at Caliper Wellness is always willing to talk and help you on your path to mental wellness. Visit caliperwellness.com to learn more and make an appointment.
Don’t ever discount if someone’s upset about something. Don’t trivialize.
Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself.