The moment you see your first born child for the very first time, you are filled with an immeasurable amount of love. The most important thing you can ever do from this point on is protect this tiny human. With that love, and desire to protect, you also carry the fear that something may happen to this precious gift you have been given.
5 years ago, the unimaginable happened and my biggest fear became a reality. I lost my son.
I also lost myself.
Life now is filled with navigating my grief. Each day brings new challenges. Sometimes I meet them. Sometimes I don’t. The setbacks are beyond difficult. And they hit you when you least expect it. And there are times of the year where you just feel like you are drowning. Like now, as I mark the 5th year.
I needed a way to stay in control. I needed a way to not let sadness and depression take over. I needed to do something productive.
4 years ago, I started “Books for Noah”. From a young age, Noah loved to read. The thought of being a part of sparking the joy of reading for little ones, all in his memory, would shift my focus during a difficult time of year. I began collecting children’s books and gave them away at The Cottage Collective. The 2nd year, I had friends ask if they could give me books to donate. I began passing those out in Little Libraries all over town. Year 3, I would ask people to donate children’s books as well as young adult books. And they did. I had so many wonderful people in our community bring books to donate. The love was overwhelming.
This year I dedicated a small part of Vintage Karma Wine Studio to a reading nook. There is a bookshelf there where you can leave a book or take a book. I keep his picture there so everyone can see him.
To date, over 1200 books have been donated in Noah’s memory. His sister has passed out books in Dallas, and some have gone to California, Tennessee, Florida and Kentucky. I am so very grateful to everyone who has shared this act of kindness with us.
Each day is still a struggle. I know, and I have accepted, life will never be the same. But finding ways to be productive helps me manage the lows and come out on the other side.
Each day is still a struggle. I know, and I have accepted, life will never be the same.