I had lunch with a couple of my mentors last week. As they both know, one goal of mine is to help the next generation of boys become responsible, functioning, and mature members of society. Why is this one of my goals?
I remember 15-year-old me, an avid reader of everything. I remember looking around, reading, and trying to watch and emulate those around me I admired. Being the late 1980’s, the Internet wasn’t a thing yet (though I could have used it). Other than my father — who was away a lot of the time on active military duty — and grandfathers, I didn’t have a lot of male role models around me. I was also the oldest and had no siblings to look up to.
So, having been in their shoes and knowing the help they need to succeed, I’ve come up with a list of ways to guide the next generation of young men.
Parents of sons, this one’s for you. If you’re not already, please incorporate the following into your parenting routine.
Boys!
They come in all shapes and sizes. Some are loud and messy, others neat and deep-thinking. Although they may shrug off your attempts to hug and affirm them, deep inside, they are listening.
So, what can we say to them? What do they need to hear from us?
If we’re being completely honest, boys need to be encouraged just as much, if not more, than girls. Here are a few things young men need to hear from parents and loved ones every day:
1: “You are loved!”
We love you, period! End of sentence. We love you as a person, as a unique individual, and as God’s wonderful creation.
- It doesn’t matter what you do or what you don’t do.
- It doesn’t matter where you go or where you don’t go.
- It doesn’t matter what you choose or what you don’t choose.
- We love you as you are, and nothing can change that!
- And, by the way, your heavenly Father loves you, too!
2: “You are good at _______.”
(Fill in the blank with at least one thing that your boy does well).
Boys need to be encouraged in their skills and abilities. They need to be verbally told that they are good at at least one thing. But it needs to be honest praise. If it is not genuine, then they will see right through it. Feeling significant is huge for boys. In other words, boys need to have their shoulders lifted daily. So, what about your boy(s)?
- What are you saying to the boys in your life that will lift their shoulders?
- How are you sincerely complimenting their hard work?
- What are the positive skills, talents, and abilities you are encouraging?
Young men especially can lose their way between the ages of about 16 and 26. This is what we are hopefully preventing through unconditional love and honest encouragement.
3: “You were made to be strong, to lead, and to work hard!”
Explain to your boys that you are making them strong for a reason. They are to lead their homes and families well and to work hard. Teach them the importance of hard work, especially for men.
4: “Life will have many challenges!”
Lastly, we need to teach boys that life will not be without its bad days or difficult moments. In fact, we need to remind them often that life will have some great challenges.
At the same time, we do not need to remove every obstacle from their lives or rescue them from everything hard. Young boys need to understand what it is to work hard, face troubles, and deal with adversity. Of course, we can support them, encourage them, and pray for them, but we must let them face real life.
Moms, it is especially important that you not coddle them or hover over them like a helicopter. This will be hard for some to do. It may go against your instincts. But we must let boys be boys so that they can become men — strong men.
However, we can show them how to turn to Jesus when life gets hard. We can teach them to pray, look into God’s Word, and depend upon their Savior when storms blow into their lives.
In John 16:33, Jesus promised, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”