As another academic year looms, parents are feeling the pressure to set their children up for success and pick the perfect school. We spoke with Julie Matheson, co-owner of Matheson Dentistry & Implant Center, mother of seven and a registered nurse, about choosing what’s best for your child’s education. Matheson, who can relate to the strain, says to lift the weight off.
“People are so diverse that there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all clothing store,” she shares. “Education is no different… It's ok to change your outfit or put on or take off a coat as the need arises.”
After raising seven children, currently ages 11 to 25, Matheson says the biggest lesson she learned wasn't which school was best. Her most important takeaway is that the relationship she built with her children shaped them more than any classroom ever could. School became one tool. Her job was raising people.
She often returns to a quote by Goethe: “The way you see [a child] is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is [who] they [will] become.”
When her oldest was entering kindergarten, the family lived across the street from Los Angeles' highest-rated elementary school. But when she learned its ratings dropped after third grade, she realized the change coincided with many UCLA graduate families moving away.
“It wasn’t the school or the teachers,” she says. “What you value is what your children will value.”
When the family later moved to Queen Creek, that realization eased the pressure to find the "perfect" school. They chose a charter school, but Matheson no longer viewed any educational setting as the destination.
“There’s a lot of factors to consider in a child’s education,” she says. “I look at setting up their education like a recipe. Sometimes when you cook dinner, it looks totally different day to day.”
As her children grew, so did their needs. One son struggled with long classroom days and homework. A daughter eagerly devoted hours each day to gymnastics. The family transitioned to homeschooling, a decision Matheson says terrified her.
“[I was] sure I was ruining everything in life and my children,” she says. “[But] when we get to the root of our fears about our children, we often have to admit that the fear isn't about them, it's almost always about us.”
The extra time together transformed the family. A son who had struggled under constant deadlines flourished once he had room to think and be a kid. Another daughter later chose a charter high school because she thrived around people, while a sister found her fit in a microschool with time for creative projects.
Those experiences reinforced what Matheson now believes most strongly: children aren't products to be perfected by a certain age. They are people discovering who they are, and parents have the opportunity to shape them through connection.
"I would much rather have a child feel safe, nurtured and connected," she says. "Always choose the option that builds them as a person."
To parents in the middle of school decisions, she says not to “be afraid to scrap it all and start again.” Patience is needed for both children and adults. “It's a process, and there are seasons to life. You are teaching your children how to live a good life, and this includes learning to roll with the punches and get back up again.”
No school decisions need to be permanent. The most important thing Matheson has learned after seven children and two decades of parenting is to look for the best in her children and herself.