It probably does not come as a shock that gym memberships increase by over 20% in January. "New year, new you" is most likely the cause. But as parents, we not only need to take care of ourselves, but we also need to help our kids find the better version of themselves. The new year is an ideal time to start developing better habits. The jury is still out as to whether it takes 66 days or nine months to create better habits. If we start now, we may achieve success as early as spring. This is perfect timing for your kids to start looking for summer employment or prepare for college.
With their faces in their phones, eye contact and small talk have become foreign. In a recent conversation with Linnea Berry from the Lakeland Hills YMCA, she supported that finding by stating, "I have noticed that teens' communication skills have diminished over the last few years." As a college professor, I couldn't agree more. Instead of seeing the world right in front of them, teens are more interested in taking pictures for social media posts. I recently saw a couple of teenagers on a date in a coffee shop, and instead of talking to one another, each of them was engrossed in their phone. I never saw them even say a word or exchange a smile. How can we imagine that we will grow and learn about others when the only others we see are on a small screen?
What can you do? Please encourage your child to balance their time between online and offline activities. I asked Berry what she looks for in the students she hires. She claimed, "One of the first things I look for in an interview is hearing someone confident enough to share their interests. Also, I appreciate teens who have enough self-awareness to be able to talk about themselves." She particularly noted that connection is very important to her. "I also look for engagement and an interest in sharing their interests, whether it's gaming, app design, arts and crafts, etc." Can your teen discuss their hobbies, likes, and dislikes maturely and humbly? These skills are not innate. We need to teach them.
How can you help? In your downtime, engage them in healthy conversation. I use a game called Talking Points, which is essentially a deck of cards with conversation starters. If you don't want to invest any money, you can Google "conversation starters for teens." This would be a great activity for the dinner table. Pick a few cards and ask your child to answer the questions. Remind them to use appropriate vocabulary and body language that is positive. Then focus on the eye contact. Make it a nightly ritual. By the end of a few weeks, you will see a marked change in your child's ability to talk with others.
Another proactive step you can take is to be a positive role model. Our children look to us for behaviors they want to emulate. If you don't want your child using their phone at dinner, put yours away first. Perhaps even instituting a no-phone zone around the kitchen table might work. While driving, put your device in the glove compartment. Without making a big deal of these small changes, you can send a subtle message that will be received loudly by your teen.
Finally, engage the entire family in community service. Potential employers and colleges love to see students giving of their time with no other reward than that warm feeling of doing something nice for someone else.
Summer jobs and college applications are right around the corner. There are numerous opportunities for summer employment or after-school work throughout the year. Camper enrollment at the YMCA begins after the holidays, with employment opportunities starting late winter. For information on the various options, please get in touch with LinneaB@lhymca.com.
The new year is an ideal time to start developing better habits, such as engaging your teen in healthy conversations.