A few weeks ago, my friend Oscar lost his mom after a long and painful battle with cancer. While loss is part of life, I couldn’t stop thinking about what comes after it — not just grief, but survival. His mother had been the main provider, and although some of the siblings were financially independent, his father and little sister were suddenly left unguarded.
In the weeks that followed, my focus was simple: making sure Oscar had food on his plate and reminding him that he didn’t have to go through this alone. I asked him consistently how he was feeling. But his answers were never about emotions, they were about solutions.
How he was stepping up. How he was fixing things. How he was holding everything together. Until one night, after a few cocktails, something shifted and he opened up.
For the first time, I saw the weight he had been carrying but what struck me the most was the contradiction: every time I asked if he had eaten — he hadn’t. But he had made sure his father and sister had. Everything he lacked, he provided for others. He was showing up for everyone... except for himself. And that’s when a question hit me: In our attempt to “respect” traditional roles of men and women, did we fail to teach men that their well-being matters just as much?
With numbers like these, how can mental health still not be a priority? This isn’t just about access to therapy, it’s about the quiet, everyday messaging that tells men: be strong, provide, fix - but don’t feel.
That narrative seems to be reinforced in subtle ways by all of us - including women. We have to start changing the way we show up for the men in our lives…Let them vent, ask them questions that go beyond “how are you going to fix it?”, help them understand why they feel the way they do because emotional awareness is not a weakness IT’S A SKILL!
There’s a saying in the entrepreneurial world: “Your business will only grow as much as you grow as a person.” I think the same applies to life.
That night, Oscar asked me what he should prioritize first: his home, his sister’s education, or his father’s emotional state but my answer was simple: You won’t be able to take care of others the way you want to if you don’t take care of yourself first.
Luckily, resources for men are now more available than ever. Organizations like Sacred Sons - a global community focused on emotional growth, healing, and modern masculinity - are creating spaces where men can begin to have these conversations and reconnect with themselves.
And yes, for many men that idea feels unnatural but the truth is you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Real strength isn’t just about carrying others. It’s about knowing when to carry yourself too.
About the Author Bolivian-born writer Sam is a globetrotting communications expert dedicated to community storytelling and vibrant dance.
Fella Ship @the.fella.ship A community for men to alchemize their stories into embodied masculinity through brotherhood and gatherings.
Heare Brotherhood A men's mental health podcast and gathering group dedicated to retreats and building community for men in Utah. www.hearebros.com
Salt Lake Run Club @saltlakerunclub An all-inclusive run club that meets every Monday and Wednesdays aimed to foster adult friendships.
Sacred Sons www.sacredsons.com National group dedicated to strengthening men’s mental, physical & spiritual health.