His parents were missionaries who raised him well.
But even being brought up in a home with a servant mindset where the Golden Rule wasn’t just a meaningless platitude, Jim, like many men, found trouble. And even if he wasn’t actively seeking trouble, trouble seemed to have a way of finding him.
Jim was serving time in jail for his third DUI. He was angry at everyone and had pushed his family away. Beneath the anger was a man who felt he was a disappointment and that society, his parents, and his girlfriend had, or should, give up on him. Like many men who suffer from depression and self-loathing, he felt his flaws were the worst. He felt like a failure.
Friedrich Nietzsche described our soul as the abyss. Those who have stared into the abyss realize this truth – all have sinned. Whether you believe we are born inherently evil, or inherently good, not one person is without fault. People can be selfish, impulsive, obsessive, jealous, insecure, and devious. “Mankind” is not kind at all. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; Who can know it?”
That is a harsh and convicting truth. But the good news is this: those of us who recognize the selfishness and deceit of our hearts can be more understanding and merciful to the failures of others. It opens the door to empathy and healing.
As a pastor, I’m thankful for the opportunity to reach men facing their abyss. Through our time together, Jim realized that I didn’t judge him. He felt acceptance and grace. He began to understand we have all sinned and fallen short, knowing that he was no different than anyone else; he felt the light of grace enter his life. He was marked with truth. Three months after we first met, I received a letter from him. Shame had been wiped out. His family was restored. He had finally faced them with humility, acknowledged his weakness, and accepted their grace. He could do that because, in part, he knew he wasn’t worse than them. He just wanted to face his frailty in the presence of people who loved and supported him.
Whether you accept the Bible or not, we can agree that the story of Cain and Abel as recorded in Genesis 4:1-15 is relevant to our human experience today. Out of jealousy and contempt, Cain killed his younger brother, Abel, and he was cursed. He was forced to leave the area and “wander the earth.” Cain pleaded with God. He felt the punishment was too great for him. He was banished from the presence of God and his homeland. God showed him mercy by giving him a mark that would protect him. You read that correctly… the mark of Cain was not a curse. It was a mark of protection. Cain killed his brother but God showed mercy. God said he would punish anyone who harmed Cain 7x more harshly than the harm they inflicted on Cain! This was not only done to protect Cain but to protect mankind. It was a lesson, and a reminder for us all, that vengeance cannot lead to peace. Only grace and forgiveness can lead to peace. Again, whether you accept the Bible or not, this story is filled with practical and universal truth.
Now back to my friend Jim. His freedom hinged on whether or not he would be able to forgive himself. The only one who knows Jim’s heart better than Jim is God. Jim knew his heart, his soul—his abyss, and he didn’t like what he saw. He needed to see that he was indeed worthy of God’s grace. Once he was able to face his abyss, with God at his side, he was able to accept God’s grace, God’s forgiveness, and in so doing, was able to forgive himself. The truth set him free, and he is now living the life he was meant to live.
In closing, I’ll encourage anyone who reads this who might be facing their abyss. Keep going, and know that you do not have to go alone.
Article by T.J. Williams
Originally published in Broomfield Lifestyle