Style isn’t always about what someone chooses to wear or how they decorate their home. Sometimes it’s the way they move through the world. It’s the way one person dives headfirst into conflict while another avoids it at all costs. It’s the instinct to protect oneself or the impulse to care for everyone else first. It’s the frustration that bubbles up when someone loads the dishwasher “wrong,” or the assumptions people make about one another before understanding what each person is carrying. Ultimately, it’s the stories people tell themselves—and the stories they tell about everyone else.
Elizabeth Orr has spent years exploring those stories—not because she’s fascinated by personality tests, but because she is fascinated by people. Through humor, storytelling and the Enneagram, the author of The Unfiltered Enneagram, Wake Forest University coach, speaker and creator of the popular Instagram account Rude Ass Enneagram invites people to better understand themselves—and one another.
Orr laughs often. She isn’t afraid to poke fun at herself—or everyone else. That may seem surprising coming from someone who teaches what many consider a deeply transformative tool for personal growth. But, she believes humor is part of the process.
“We tend to take ourselves too seriously,” Orr remarks. “The Enneagram has a lot of capacity for transformation and self-awareness, but there’s also humor in it. It kind of roasts us.”
Orr’s own journey with the Enneagram began shortly after college while living and working in an intentional community. “Our executive director joked that working and living together with the same people was a really good recipe for disaster,” Orr laughs. “They brought in an Enneagram teacher to help us all better understand ourselves and our relationships with each other.”
Years later, while working in chaplaincy at Wake Forest University, she found herself introducing students to the same framework. “It was a really helpful tool for me when I was their age,” she notes.
In 2018, Orr launched her Instagram account Rude Ass Enneagram. Her honest—and often hilarious—takes on the nine personality types went viral, resonating with followers because they are funny, relatable and, perhaps most importantly, true. Beneath the sarcasm is a deeper invitation: to look at ourselves with curiosity instead of judgment.
More than 100,000 followers led to professional training, speaking invitations and, in 2024, the publication of The Unfiltered Enneagram, A Witty and Wise Guide to Self-Compassion. “It was meant to be lighthearted,” Orr explains, “but also helpful as a practical guide to self-compassion.”
“It’s a tool, first and foremost,” Orr says. “A tool to support our development around self-awareness, self-compassion and then compassion and understanding for other people.”
More Than a Personality Test
Many people dismiss the Enneagram as another personality quiz. Orr understands why. “I think people can engage at any level,” she remarks. “It can be quite deep and quite transformational, and it can also be a hoot and a half.”
Unlike many personality assessments, the Enneagram asks a different question—not what people do, but why they do it. It identifies nine core personality archetypes, each with its own motivations, fears and patterns of behavior. Knowing your type isn’t about putting yourself into a box, Orr says. It’s about understanding what happens when life pushes your buttons.
“What am I protecting myself from?” she asks. “What am I afraid will happen if I don’t get my way?” Asking and understanding responses to these types of questions can completely change how someone approaches conflict, work, friendships and marriage.
When people begin paying attention to questions like this, Orr says, they often discover something unexpected. “The little stuff on the surface actually has deep roots into who we are.”
The Pause That Changes Everything
Orr describes the Enneagram as a “zoomed-out view” of how we see the world. Each of the nine Enneagram types carries its own assumptions, fears and protective strategies. No perspective is entirely right—or entirely wrong.
“We all have limited perspective,” Orr explains. “It’s not the whole reality of how the world is.”
Understanding that changes relationships. The argument over how to load the dishwasher suddenly isn’t about dishes. The disagreement in a staff meeting isn’t simply about ideas. Conflict becomes an opportunity to understand what each person is protecting.
“It helps us take responsibility for our part of the conflicts,” Orr remarks. “It helps us find paths forward when we’re in conflict with people we care about.”
Growing Into Ourselves
Growth, Orr believes, isn’t about becoming someone else. It isn’t even about changing personalities. Instead, it’s about becoming less controlled by automatic reactions and more aware of the habits built over a lifetime.
“I know my defense mechanism,” Orr reflects of her own Type Eight Enneagram personality. “When I start denying that I need help or denying that I need a break, I can slow down and ask, ‘Is that fear actually true, or am I blowing it out of proportion?’”
That pause creates a choice. Instead of living on autopilot, Orr says, “I can choose something different.”
As a Type Eight, Orr says she naturally enjoys making a bold impression—a tendency reflected in her love of bright colors, sparkles and a collection of tattoos. But understanding those tendencies has also taught her that she doesn't have to respond the same way in every situation.
"What's really cool," she explains, "is me as an Eight who loves to make a big splash. If I need to ground myself, or if I'm walking into an environment where stirring the pot isn't going to be helpful, leaning on how a Nine shows up can be a really powerful way to get out of my own box."
As we mature, Orr says, we become less controlled by our fears and more aware of the habits we’ve spent a lifetime building. “I’ve journeyed with the Enneagram since I was twenty-two,” she notes.’ At every stage of my life, it has something new to push me, teach me and invite me into. It’s the little habits that we cultivate day by day that actually move the bigger needle.” The goal isn’t perfection. It’s paying attention.
For anyone interested in discovering their own Enneagram type, Orr encourages beginning with curiosity instead of certainty. Online assessments can offer clues, she says, but the real work begins by noticing the moments when we become anxious, embarrassed, frustrated or defensive.
“I think it helps us own what’s wonderful about us, as well as the places where we need to grow,” states Orr. “None of us are fully good or fully bad. Most people are good. We are all just doing the best with what we’ve got.”
This October, in partnership with Clear Mourning, Orr will be visiting Bend to offer one-on-one couples sessions, a daylong Enneagram workshop and an intimate fundraising dinner supporting the nonprofit’s mission of helping people navigate grief and life’s difficult transitions.
For Orr, it’s the perfect fit. “We’re big enough to hold grief and suffering,” she notes, “and also levity and outrageous silliness.” For Orr, they are companions rather than opposites.
In the end, that’s the gift Orr hopes people discover. Not another personality label. Not another self-help formula. Just an invitation to pause, become curious and remember that every person—including ourselves—is moving through the world carrying a story we may not yet understand.
“Above all,” Orr says, “have fun with it and don’t take yourself too seriously.”
Nine Ways of Moving Through the World
By Elizabeth Orr, Enneagram Teacher and Author
The Enneagram begins with three centers of intelligence—the Head (thinking), Heart (feeling) and Body (instinct). While everyone uses all three, one tends to lead. From these three centers emerge the nine personality types below.
Body (Gut) Center
Types 8, 9 & 1
Type Eight – The Challenger
Known for big opinions and an even bigger disregard for social niceties, Eights are bold, protective and rarely back down from a challenge. At their best, they inspire courage and remind others of their own strength and integrity. At their worst, they can intimidate or stir up conflict just because they can. For an Eight, life is a full-contact sport—so grab a mouthguard and stand up for what you believe.
Type Nine – The Peacemaker
Diplomatic and thoughtful, Nines have a gift for making others feel valued. They calm tensions, bridge divides and often become the steady presence everyone needs. But avoiding conflict can come at a cost. Rather than expressing anger directly, Nines may quietly withdraw—if one disappears for six months, chances are they're upset. Their greatest strength is reminding the rest of us that peace is built through connection, not avoidance.
Type One – The Perfectionist
Principled, dependable and driven by a deep desire to make the world better, Ones hold themselves—and everyone else—to exceptionally high standards. At their best, they are hopeful reformers who believe a more just world is possible. At their worst, they become their own harshest critics, endlessly replaying mistakes and chasing an impossible ideal of perfection.
Heart Center
Types 2, 3 & 4
Type Two – The Giver
Warm, generous and quick to care for others, Twos happily offer the shirt off their back. But their generosity can come with hidden expectations, especially when they neglect their own needs while keeping a quiet scorecard of everything they've done for others. At their healthiest, Twos love freely and help people feel deeply seen. Healthy boundaries help keep that generosity joyful instead of exhausting.
Type Three – The Performer
Adaptable, ambitious and endlessly capable, Threes are masters at reading a room and rising to the occasion. They often build impressive resumes, yet still wrestle with imposter syndrome because their worth is tied to achievement and external validation. Beneath the polished exterior is someone longing to believe they are enough—even when they're not accomplishing something.
Type Four – The Individualist
Emotionally honest and deeply creative, Fours aren't afraid to sit with grief or help others find meaning in suffering. Yet they often carry a lingering sense that something is missing within themselves. That longing fuels both their creativity and their tendency to romanticize what they don't have, always searching for the missing piece that will finally make them feel complete.
Head Center
Types 5, 6 & 7
Type Five – The Investigator
Quiet observers with endlessly curious minds, Fives often appear calm on the surface while their thoughts race underneath. They value knowledge, independence and privacy, fearing that life's demands will drain their limited energy. Though they may seem reserved, Fives possess rich inner worlds and remarkable insight when they feel safe enough to share it.
Type Six – The Loyal Skeptic
Slow to trust but fiercely loyal once they do, Sixes are natural troubleshooters who prepare for every possible scenario. Their minds are always scanning for risks, yet they're also the people everyone wants nearby during a crisis. While they often underestimate themselves, their courage, loyalty and readiness make them steadfast friends and advocates.
Type Seven – The Adventurist
Curious, optimistic and always chasing the next adventure, Sevens collect experiences the way others collect souvenirs. They thrive on possibility, generating exciting ideas faster than they can pursue them all. Their challenge isn't dreaming big—it's staying long enough to finish what they start. At their best, Sevens remind everyone that joy, wonder and play are essential parts of a well-lived life.
A Weekend in Bend with Elizabeth Orr
Enneagram teacher, author and speaker
Presented in partnership with Clear Mourning
October 8–10 • First Presbyterian Church
Event offerings:
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Enneagram workshop
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Private individual & couples sessions
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VIP fundraising dinner benefiting Clear Mourning
@clearmourning
@rudeassenneagram