The holidays often bring families together who may not see each other regularly. While phone calls and FaceTime are a great way to check in, it can be hard to notice changes in a person’s appearance or home that could indicate they need help. In person, adult children have an opportunity to pay closer attention to their aging parents or relatives and notice signs that might otherwise go unseen. Neil Anand, the owner of ComForCare Home Care in Fairfield shares his expert advice when visiting family this holiday season.
FLM: What should adult children pay attention to when they’re spending time with an aging parent or relative?
Neil Anand: When you’re visiting in person, there are some important things to keep in mind. What is the condition of their home? Is it messier or more cluttered than usual? Are there spoiled foods in the refrigerator, unpaid bills piling up, or things that aren’t being put away where they normally would be? How do they look? Have they lost weight unexpectedly? Are they keeping up with their appearance and personal hygiene? And now it’s easier to really pay attention to any changes in behavior or personality. Are they missing appointments or activities they normally attend? Forgetting medications? Seeming confused or just not quite like themselves? Any of these could be an indication that your family member needs extra help.
FLM: Is there a right time to have these conversations, or is it better to start talking about care before it’s actually needed? What are some of the things families should be discussing before a crisis forces the conversation?
Neil Anand: One of the biggest misconceptions adult children have is believing there will be a “right time” to start the conversation. Planning ahead creates clarity and peace of mind. The Aging Life Care Association suggests the 40/70 rule: if an adult child is in their 40s and their parent is in their 70s, it’s time to begin the conversation. This is an opportunity to talk informally about wishes, preferences, and future care. The goal isn’t to take control away from your parent or loved one, it’s to understand how they want to age and how they would want to be supported if circumstances change.
FLM: Any tips on how siblings (or other family members that may be involved) can get on the same page when they have different opinions about an aging loved one’s needs?
Neil Anand: Family dynamics can be tricky. It’s important to make sure everyone understands your loved one’s medical, financial, and legal situation. When you meet, keep the conversation focused on the most important issues and, above all, on your loved one. Start with their immediate needs, then discuss future plans. And don’t be afraid to get outside help when needed. An objective professional, such as a social worker, geriatric care manager, elder law attorney, mediator, or even clergy, can help when emotions run high or things get complicated.
FLM: Are there ways to introduce help gradually rather than making the conversation about long-term care right away?
Neil Anand: At ComForCare, we work with families to develop personalized care plans based on what they need, and we adjust them as those needs change. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. We can start with just a little help, even if it’s not every day, and build from there as your loved one becomes more comfortable and accepting of outside help.
FLM: What do people often misunderstand about home care?
There are programs and resources available to help offset the cost beyond private pay. One option is long-term care insurance (LTCI), which can cover personal care services. ComForCare works with all the major insurance companies and handles the paperwork and administrative details, making the process easier for families. Many people don’t realize that once LTCI benefits begin, they may stop paying premiums and start using the coverage they’ve invested in.
ComForCare is also credentialed with the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). Veterans and surviving spouses may qualify for two main VA programs that can help cover the cost of home care.
We’re also very excited to participate in GUIDE (Guiding an Improved Dementia Experience), a voluntary nationwide Medicare initiative that provides care coordination, caregiver education and support, and respite services for people living with dementia and their caregivers. GUIDE currently covers up to 76 hours of home care per year, and this benefit is likely to increase over the coming years as the government continues to see outcomes like reduced hospitalizations, decreased isolation and less family caregiver burnout. We’re happy to look into eligibility.
Finally, check your employer benefits. Your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) may offer backup care and in-home support for older loved ones, often at little or no cost. Check with HR or your benefits portal to see what’s available. ComForCare Home Care is here to help you navigate all your options, determine eligibility, and guide you through the process.
FLM: If you could give families one piece of advice this holiday season when it comes to caring for an aging loved one, what would it be?
Neil Anand: Your new role in your parent’s life is to be their advocate and helper. For those in the sandwich generation, it can be difficult to turn off your parental instincts when caring for your own parents. Try to look at things through their eyes. What may look like stubbornness could actually be fear, sadness, or an effort to maintain their independence. Give them choices and involve them in decisions rather than telling them what they have to do. And especially important for those with Alzheimer's or another form of dementia, be sure to make time to simply enjoy being together, go out to eat, look through family albums, talk, or listen to music.
Caring for an aging loved one can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to have all the answers at once. Start the conversation, take things one step at a time, and remember that asking for help is part of caring for both your loved one and yourself. With the right support, older adults can remain at home, maintain their independence, and keep doing the things they enjoy. ComForCare Home Care can help every step of the way.
ComForCare Home Care
1700 Post Road, Suite E5
Fairfield, CT 06824
(203) 612-8966
ComForCare.com/FairfieldCT
fairfieldct@comforcare.com