The beauty of a new school year is how it presents a clean slate. It lets us learn from the past and do better moving forward. Help your child see the opportunity to positively impact their classmates’ lives. At every age, children can be a voice and force for good, bringing light and hope into a classroom at a time when their classmates may need it the most.
As adults, we largely get to choose our environments. We can spend our time with people we like, people who help us thrive. Our children, on the other hand, don’t have that luxury. They’ve got to go to school, where they are locked into closeness with a wide range of personalities. Very few of us finish our school years without some painful experiences and scars.
Here are 5 things to tell your child to foster more warmth and connection this school year.
1. You never know what your classmates are facing. Many have problems you’d never guess.
Some students are facing adult-sized heartaches. They might not have strong support systems in place or be in environments where people are dismissive or rude.
Over the summer, someone in your class might have lost a parent, a sibling, or a grandparent. Someone might have learned that his or her parents are getting divorced. Someone might have been hurt by a best friend or left out of a friend group. Someone may have an injury that puts them out of their favorite sport. Someone might be depressed and wrestling with dark thoughts or anxiety. Someone might have gotten a scary diagnosis and is unsure what it means.
You never know what your classmates are facing, and it shouldn’t take knowing their problems to be an uplifting influence in their lives. Assume upfront that everyone has struggles, and if you knew their full story, you’d have a heart for those struggles.
2. One bad decision can make a big difference.
It’s tempting to judge a classmate who made a bad choice or got caught in a mistake, but the truth is, that could be you. We all stumble. Remembering this keeps you humble. It creates an environment of compassion, friendship, and restoration.
3. Some people start rumors. Some people lie. Some people mix up their facts, tell half-truths, or label others. Think for yourself, and don’t believe everything you hear.
Not all rumors are true. Experience has taught me to consider the source (are they trustworthy or prone to gossip? Do they have an agenda or hidden motives?), and look for evidence before assuming the worst. Rather than join every bandwagon, be willing to stand or act alone for what you know is right.
4. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone, but you can–and should–be kind.
Nobody clicks with every person they meet, and that is OK. That is life. But you can be kind to those classmates who aren’t your best friends now. People change, mature, and grow up, and some people who you barely know now may later become good friends. People have a way of coming back into your life, so keep a friendly rapport when possible and don’t burn bridges.
5. Twenty years from now, your classmates will remember you with either a smile on their face or a pit in their stomach.
They’ll share stories with their children and grandchildren about the peers who shaped their formative years. Your classmates will never forget how you treat them, so stay mindful of your words and actions. Know that you have the power, every day, to help or to hurt them, to notice them or ignore them, to love them as they are or to make them feel bad. Many kids grow up and regret being mean, but you’ll never regret being kind.
Kari Kampakis is a bestselling author, national speaker, and podcaster from Birmingham, Alabama. Her books for teen girls Yours, Not Hers: 40 Devotions to Stop Comparisons and Love Your Life, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know and for moms, Love Her Well and More Than a Mom have been used for small group studies around the U.S.
Learn more by visiting KariKampakis.com or finding Kari on Instagram, Facebook, and the Girl Mom Podcast.