At 6-years-old, Mike Enfield started playing soccer. The little kid eventually made his big dreams a reality, as Mike went onto win a US Open Cup and MLS Cup playing for the MLS L.A. Galaxy and played with Sydney FC, the top club in Australia. He finished his playing career with the US National Beach soccer team playing in a FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup.
“Playing with and against people you idolized as a child was surreal,” said Mike.
Like many athletes, injuries put a stop to Mike’s pro career. However, the love for his game runs deep, and now the Scottsdale-based dad is dedicating his time to instilling in youth a passion for soccer.
“I’m starting a soccer club because I love coaching kids.”
This fall, Mike is launching the Phoenix Valley Soccer Club, an innovative approach to cliché club teams.
“The main difference is that kids deserve to be able to compete in a more competitive environment while not sacrificing their other interests and extracurricular activities. It’s about flexibility and understanding.”
As a former pro turned father and coach, we asked Mike for insight into what parents should know about raising little athletes. He says when parents are hyper-focused on kids going pro, more important things are overlooked. And truth be told, a low percentage of kids achieve professional status anyway.
“Kids should be kids and do a variety of activities. Many children often stop playing sports in high school, so developing a diverse athletic foundation early on will help them stay active throughout their lives.”
As a coach who values being more hands off in matches, Mike’s philosophy encourages players to be brave, take risks and not fear making mistakes. He’s calm and steady in stressful environments and stays positive through adversity.
However, his positive approach isn’t always shared by parents.
“Sideline coaching is parents coaching from the sidelines; parents trying to affect the game, their child, or the ref.”
We’ve all been there; guilty as charged. But with back-to-school season, so comes a fresh opportunity to be a better sports parent... and Mike breaks down why.
“When kids are young, it’s more pleasant to simply enjoy the game. No score is kept and parents relish in cute mistakes and take pride in every goal. However, the demeanor changes when there’s a ref and score. It becomes stressful, and parents are more vocal trying to influence the game, their child, or the referee.”
According to Mike, parents do this with the intention of helping the team “win” or help their child "succeed.” In his opinion, however, this approach takes away from the child playing their game. Parents distract their children from what the coach has instructed or from the child having an opportunity to make their own decision (good or bad).
“I love parents who are vested in the team, but when it comes to instruction, tactics or decision making, it's best to let the players figure it out based on what the coach is teaching them.”
Mike says youth sports is a kid’s time to explore what they like and play with some level of freedom. However, some parents consider winning as the only measure of success and push their kids to not make mistakes.
“I have seen many children play just fine, and when their parents watch, emotions dramatically change.”
Therefore, Mike has 3 ways parents can play a proactive and positive role in their child's sport experience.
1. Let the child lead the conversations after games. If you force the post-game wrap, emotions are high, and most players don't want to hear it. Listen before giving feedback.
2. Watch a practice and study what they work on; specific skills, drills, plays, etc. Talk to them about practice- engage and ask questions. Show a genuine interest in what they’re learning.
3. Help your young child set small goals for themselves in any given sport. An example is: what would you like to try and accomplish in your next game? As they get older, advance to more complex goals. Offer to help them work on it. phoenixvalleysoccerclub.com
The Psychological Impact
According to medical professionals, the way in which we engage with our children over sports can impact them far beyond the field. We connected with Brook Choulet, M.D., a Paradise Valley Concierge Sports & Performance Psychiatrist, on do’s and don’ts to help your children thrive in sports and build greater confidence.
- DO: Encourage your child to reflect on how they performed by asking them reflective questions. For example, “What do you think went well?” or “What did you enjoy most about today’s game?” This helps build their self-awareness and allows them to understand themselves and their thoughts better.
- DON’T: Avoid giving unsolicited feedback or criticizing their performance. When a child is criticized, it can lead them to feeling less motivated and start to doubt themselves.
- DO: Identify something they did well. This helps build their self-confidence and recognize their skills. Understanding one’s strengths can help them achieve higher performance not only in their sport, but also in life.
- DON’T: Do not dwell on areas where they need improvement right after a game. Constructive feedback can be helpful, but it needs to occur at the right time.
- DO tell them that you’re proud of them, regardless of game or competition outcome. This will help your child ultimately feel safe with you, rather than feel your approval is tied to their performance.
- DON’T: Never tie your level of “proudness” to a win or a loss. This will lead to your child feeling like their worth is conditional.
According to Dr. Choulet, there is a tremendous amount of power in positive self-talk. Teaching your child how to talk to themselves is crucial for their success in all realms of life. Children learn their internal dialogue from those around them, which includes parents, friends, teachers, and coaches. If you want your child’s self-talk to be positive and motivating, you need to model this and surround them with similar dialogue. The good news is that your words and actions have a tremendously positive influence on how they perceive themselves and their abilities. brookchouletmd.com
Different Stages of Sports, By Age
- Ages 0-6: Gymnastics and playground play. Create a positive relationship with physical activity and movement. Learn body awareness safely.
- Ages 6-12: Play sports that kids find fun, preferably a hand-related sport (baseball, hockey, golf, lacrosse) and a foot related sport (soccer, rugby). Developing body awareness and coordination through different mediums is key.
- Ages 12-16: Continue multi-sport play that is FUN. Begin basic weight training to learn the foundational movements to lay the groundwork for future performance training. Participate in track and field to learn how to sprint/run appropriately. As you approach 16, begin considering which sport you want to pursue full time.
- Ages 16-18: Focus on that one sport and participate in performance training to develop that athleticism.
- Ages 18+: If applicable, pursue a college career or professional career. Participate in physical therapy and performance training to maintain high agility, endurance, and strength.
This reflects the perspective and personal experience from Dr. Adam Loiacono, PT, DPT, CSCS- former Director of Rehabilitation for the Phoenix Suns and owner of Loiacono Performance Therapy adamloiacono.com
"It was a dream come true to play pro. Playing with and against people you idolized as a child was surreal." -Mike Enfield